Musings

Had I Only Known

As I am almost spending my whole day in bed today (because sick.tsk) backing up photos and videos from our recent trip, I had the privilege and time to reminisce and reflect. 

I wonder. Had I only known how my life would turn out many years after, I guess I wouldn’t be the same little girl I knew I was. If I had an early screening of how my life is now, I think I wouldn’t have thoughts of dying early. I wouldn’t be that insecure, broken, and almost hopeless kid. I think I will be so full of hope of the future that is to come. Had I known early on the story God is writing for me and my family, I would have looked at life differently then.

At an early age, honestly, I didn’t have much hope about the things in my life. In fact, all I wanted then was to just die and disappear. I just wanted an escape from everything. But, thankfully, God had a different plan. Now, I am on a continuous discovery of the hope and the future He has for me. Everything that happened in my family and my life in the past is just a preparation for the better things He prepared for all of us. Truly, in Him, all things work together for the good of those who love Him. He has a plan, a wonderful one.

Do I deserve His goodness, love, and grace? I am certain, I don’t. I would always be unqualified. I would always fall short. It was never about how good I’ve been. It had always been about how good He has been even from the start. I just failed to see the bigger picture – that after the rain, He has prepared a beautiful rainbow for me.

Had I known early about the future God has in store for me, I wouldn’t have minded the heartbreaks and the not-so-good experiences I went through. Had I known early, I would have looked forward to the future that is to come. Had I known early, I would have just smiled through my parents’ arguments in the past knowing they will all soon come to pass. Had I known early, I would have been a better version of myself early on. But, God has a perfect timing for everything. He has His timetable for everything in my/our lives.

I also thank God for His timing. Had I known early, I wouldn’t be this super appreciative of the good things God is allowing me and my family to experience now. Had I known early, I wouldn’t be able to see the depth of His goodness and transforming grace into my family. Had I known early, this post will be nonexistent. Hehe 

P.S. If you’re going through a down moment in your life today, cheer up. Have hope. Your present situation will soon be a thing of the past. Brace yourself and let God lead you into the future He has solely prepared for you. 🙂

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