LifeLife Lately | Ap’reel

The night before my birthday was completely different from last year’s. I wasn’t crying sad tears anymore. Still cried though, but only because of the movie, Coco. Hehe. So, I welcomed my new year with a happy heart. For that, I’m really thankful. ❤

My pabaon nga pala for this year is Luke 12:31-32. Very very timely.

I spent my birthday at the beach with mama & papa. It’s been a chill and relaxing birthday for me. It was peaceful and intimate. Thank God for quiet beach spots.

As you can see from the above reel, my April has been filled mostly with friends and food. I’m happy to be reunited with my childhood friend and my inaanak. It’s been a long time since we spent time together. From elementary to highschool, we spend almost everyday together. I’m happy that we’re starting to see each other more often again. 

I’m blessed to be surrounded with friends and siblings in Christ who I feel so much comfortable with. I love spending time with them. They make taking a break from introverting worthwhile. Hahaha

This month, I was also able to get an article published on Thought Catalog again. My writer-heart is very happy at that.

I started going back to reading again. Decided to read Chronicles of Narnia. Butttttt, I haven’t finished at least one book. I missed the old reader me. I guess my brain’s too tired from reading at work so I’m more drawn to movies and KDramas instead. Excuses! Haha. I was able to finish two dramas this month — Cheese In The Trap & I Am Not A Robot. 😅

My April which started pretty chill experienced some big waves too. I guess it’s because life is just like that. It isn’t always sunny, but God is still good nonetheless.

And, oh, we’re praying for a new home. I hope for more build-ing than breaking for our family this year. 

What’s with the video? For my silver year, I committed myself to record one second of each day for the entire year. I started on my birthday and so far, here’s how my April went. So that’s it! 

Looking forward to maymories. 

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Life Lately | Febru-weary

As much as I only want to post mostly sunny, positive, and good things on this blog, I’ve come to realize that hindi pala keri. Life isn’t all sunny episodes. And, I don’t want to portray one that has it all together (in this life nor in this blog)– because, there’s no such thing.

It’s only been a week and I’ve already cried a lot for this month already. (And, no, it isn’t because I don’t have anyone for the ‘love’ month. Hehe.) It’s just that I felt so tired, weary, and zapped out from many different things. Then, along with that, the insecuritiessss dropped by once in a while too. It was draining.

As my short devo (I haven’t been consistent in doing this for the past week) reminded me yesterday: Take heart, struggler.

I thank God for using this 🔝 devo to remind me to keep pressing on, cheer me up, and renew my sight and perspective. I also thank Him for using a friend dear to me to remind me that even in the midst of a ‘febru-weary,’ I still have a lot of things to be grateful for that I’m losing sight of.

I’ve realized that I’ve grown tired of asking. I’ve stopped asking, seeking, and knocking consistently only to realize that God is the very thing and person I need in this life.

So, in the tears and the whys, I hope that a warrior rises up again in the ‘weary-er’ in me.

P.S. There’s still three more weeks before the month ends. To the ‘weary-ers’ like me, let’s fight and faith it. Life is no easy feat. It’s okay to cry. But, it feels much better to cry it all out to God. So yeah, together, let’s take heart. đź’›

Life Lately | January ’18

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This morning, upon checking my inbox, I saw this emailed letter from FutureMe. I was happy and surprised because I have already forgotten about this letter I wrote a month ago. I love receiving letters (may it be from others or from my past self. haha). Letters from my past self (surprisingly) encourage me or help me evaluate things or events that happened in my life for a specific period of time.

It was in 2013 (as I remember) when I started writing to my future self. Since then, it has been a habit. I usually send my self letters months or years into the future. Here’s the letter that made smile and laugh this morning. 🙂

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Just how my 2017 self wished, I welcomed the year with something I want to find myself doing for the rest of the year. I prayed and had my devotion.

Looking back at the 29 days that passed for my first month in 2018, all I could do is smile and thank God for giving me a good, fresh, and productive start. It’s just been 29 days yet I already had a lot to remember and be thankful for.

For January, here are 8 of the many things included in my “thank” tank (hi, punny self!) :
– an overseas trip to Hongkong & Macau
– reconciliation between Papa & his brother
– a new year for my mama, one of my spiritual ate’s, & soul sister
– quality time with dgroup, family, & friends
– an answered family prayer
– alone times despite the many activities (hehehe)
– opportunity to attend IDC 2018
– and, God’s presence itself.

January will always be a great month to look back to for this year. I am grateful. So much. And, I know God has more in store for me. Whatever they may be, I know they will all work together for my good.

On my January 10 journal entry, I read and noted down (and claimed too) :

“And the one sitting on the throne said, ‘Look, I am making everything new!’ And then he said to me, ‘Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.’ – Revelation 21:5

True to His word, God is making everything new for me for this year. And, He is only beginning. I believe 2018 is my year of #AllThingsNew. ♥

P.S. If you’re curious, yes, I’m less (actually, almost not) awkward na. Hahaha

 

Life Lately | Novemblur

So many things happened this month, yet there are still two more weeks before a new month ensues. More stuff can happen. I wish this time, they’ll be good ones. This month, things around me moved soooooooooooo fast that it seems like life has become a blur. I’m trying my best to keep up.

I recently lost my lola, my last living grandparent, who I fondly call Lola Kiska or Apu. Before she passed away, I was missing my other lola who I lost in 2008. I didn’t imagine that a few days after Undas, I’ll have another special one to miss. It was sad. What makes me sadder is seeing my mama cry because she lost her mother. But, underneath the sadness and loss, there’s security and peace in us because we know she’s now with God in heaven. After 92 full years of life, she can now rest.

On the wee hours of every morning that I’m the only one awake during her wake, I’ve realized a lot of things. One, she was sooooo loved. Over three hundred people came to see her on the second day of her wake. And, I wondered, if that was me, will there be people who’ll come? Two, my mother was sooooo loved. A lot of people she didn’t expect to come, comfort her, and send her condolences came her way even if they’re province/s away.

I realized that I should not miss the opportunity of impacting the lives of people I’ll be meeting in this lifetime. That “pakikisama” matters really. That in this life, I should really live and not merely exist. More than that, I’m reminded that after the end of this earthly life, something greater awaits. Jesus needs to be known so other people can experience heaven in eternity as well.

Apart from the realizations and countless thoughts, what ifs also surfaced. Tons of them. They were too loud that I just try to shoo them away. I try my best not to resort to overthinking and burden myself. It’s difficult though. But, deep inside, I am reminded to not be and anxious and let tomorrow worry about itself. That if another day ever comes, I must keep on clinging to God and depend on His grace for that day.

Before all this, my latest and most prominent reading was Psalm 71 where verses 19 to 21 had the most impact. I remember that I was praying for a confirmation or a Word about relationships. I got this. It didn’t quite connect at that moment. Little did I know that I’ll be needing such Word the days after.

Psalm 71:19-21 (NLT)

19 Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens. You have done such wonderful things. Who can compare with you, O God?

20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.

21 You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.

I can’t deny that my life lately is a confusing blur, but one thing is clear. It’s that God is sovereign. He is still good. And, all these things are for a purpose. For now, I’ll (try to) look at life and the future with a fresh set of eyes. These blurs will clear up soon.

The Pause Button

​What seem to be normal days became taxing. The things I used to enjoy like reading and writing don’t seem entertaining anymore. The work I then loved became a routine that I’m starting to get tired of.

Other peoples’ weight and problems also seem to drag me down. Sad memories and regrets also accompany the ‘pull.’

There are also days when I feel unmotivated and lethargic — just trying my best to survive the day and wait for the next ones to come. I dream of taking a short break or maybe just one or two days of pause from it all.

Honestly, I can’t fully explain how I’ve been feeling lately. But, this clip from Weightlifting Fairy: Kim Bok Joo is pretty relatable to how I feel. Watch 0:47 onwards.

I don’t like myself like this. It frustrates and saddens me that I feel this way. And, I am ashamed of God for feeling such.

As of this writing, I was in a ‘pause’ — just not the kind I imagined. Fever started to take its toll on me last night unabling me to come to work today.  Although this pause is uncomfortable, I’m still thankful nonetheless. It put a pause to my life’s routine. I was given rest.

Today, there’s no need to worry about what article topic to write. There’s no pressure of having to think of something new. I’ve been away from social media too. Although my head hurts from the colds and fever, my brain’s more rested, at peace, and quieter than the usual.

Although some other things in my life are still in the works like I am, I’ve realized that I still have a lot of things to be thankful for.

I may be nursing a fever right now but I am truly thankful for this ‘pause.’ Although I’m physically sick, I’m feeling better on the inside.

“Ezer” Sunday

My past phone-in-the water experience felt like a preview of yesterday’s Sunday message, Flee from Immorality. Having had struggles with impurity in the past (and at times even at present), the message really resonated with me. It hit. But, the reminder of how God loved me for who I was and who I am hit me harder. I guess it’s the first time in a long time that I cried uncontrollably during the closing prayer and while singing during worship.

I was given yet a new beginning even when it’s not a first day of the month. Truly, God’s mercies are new every morning.

And while that experience was already something wonderful I will remember for the rest of my days, I didn’t know that God is still brewing another one.

Through our dgroup, I found a eureka moment. I found a new and more definite purpose in my life. My role and purpose in life as a woman became more clear — it’s to glorify God by following His design and identity for me. He created and called me to be an “ezer kenegdo,” an ally, essential counterpart, indispensable companion, and corresponding strength to the men God has put me under in my life. I am to reflect God’s “ezer” nature to the world esp. to them — for now, my father.

This afternoon, my mom asked me, “Ano bang pangarap mo?” I didn’t have an answer right away. “Magkapamilya?” “Oo.” But, I didn’t sound so sure unlike before. “Simple lang naman mga pangarap ko.” I guess I’m set to discovering new dreams again.

I’m not sure whether I’ll be an “Eve” for an “Adam” in the future, but I pray that I’ll be an “Ezer” that will glorify God for the rest of my life from this day on.

In all these things I’ve been experiencing for the past weeks, all I can say is, Thank You, Lord. Maraming salamat.

Yesterday felt like a rebirth. It felt as if a new me was born. It was my Easter in July.

To New Beginnings

I like first days of the month. I feel as if I was yet again given a fresh start. New chapter. Restart button. A time to move on. Although I know that every day is a fresh start, 1st days are something I look forward to.

On this day, I had a long but fruitful one. Yay! I finally took a leap of faith today and sent applications to *secret muna.* Like what I held on to when big opportunities were handed to me in the past, I believe that this leap of faith is an act of throwing the dice. How these applications will turn out is dependent on how God will allow things to fall. Whether I get a “yes” or a “no,” I hope I’ll continue to trust in His plans and will in my life.

Today’s message from a church event I went to made this 1st of July a special one. Feeling ko, I found a foundation, a Word, to help me start overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again.

“But Daniel was determined not to defile himself by eating the food and wine given to them by the king. He asked the chief of staff for permission not to eat these unacceptable foods.”
– Daniel 1:8

As I welcome new beginnings, this is my prayer: that like Daniel, I won’t let myself be defiled again by things that dishonor God. More than that, I pray that I’ll be more intentional in doing so and choosing well. I shouldn’t waste this chance to start over again.

But, there’s one thing that capped off my night I still need to pray more about. That, for now, I can share to a few … for now.

So yeah, that’s basically how my 1st of July went. And, I want to document it here. Sign of commitment na rin to start anew.

To new beginnings,
Me