Prose | Embrace

Frustrations came. Pain came right after. I’m not a great host. I want to shoo them and pretend nobody’s home. But, I know I can’t. Because even if I act as if they weren’t there, the truth won’t be altered.

What should I do? I don’t want to welcome them in again. But, if I kept the door shut, will they truly go away? They’re outside my door. Waiting. And, there they will always be.

Embrace it, they said. So I did.

And slowly, as I embraced them, little by little, they disappeared. When I allowed the tears to flow, they were washed away.

And while painfully doing so, in my tears and my why’s, little did I know or I might have just forgotten, I was caught in a far bigger embrace. I was caught and carried in His.

Then, I remembered.
It’s easier as “us” than “I” alone.

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What Demanded to be Felt

For the past few weeks, pain and heartaches demanded themselves to be felt. Family stuff. Sickness. Insecurities. Conflicts. Arguments. Resurfacing ghosts. And a lot more. When they came, they poured. And when life started the downpour, it chose to stay for long. When it rained on me, it definitely poured.

I always know myself to be the person with a high tolerance to pain — both the physical and emotional kind. Life and circumstances trained me well. But when I thought that I was so used to such heartaches, I was wrong. I had a break down.

Pain, no matter the weight or the intensity, is still pain. Sometimes, people will see our pain as petty, ‘first-world problems,’ etc. and make us question ourselves. Why? They won’t always see past the facade and see through the histories and backstories. But I learned that one way to deal with pain is to acknowledge it. Only then can we determine how to deal and overcome it.

Whatever form pain pours into our lives, it always and will always demand itself to be felt. But, it doesn’t and shouldn’t end there.

Will I let myself soak in the pain? Will I let it devour my hopes and the promises I believe in? Will I choose to be forever miserable over pain that is only fleeting? Will I let it handicap and chain me? Will I let it devour me or will I surrender it all to God?

Often times, when the doors are closed and I’m all by myself, I cry. I pour my heart out to the One who listens, understands, and knows the words I even fail to utter — Someone who knows pain because He has experienced worst. And little by little, I’ll feel relieved not because He has taken away my pain and heartaches; it’s because I am reminded yet again of His promises and of the bigger picture ahead of me.

It’s quite cliche and confusing yet timely that on those days and nights that my heart feels truly broken, His Word reminds me this:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

I know that I’m no perfect and consistent lover in this relationship I have with God, but I also know that all things — both the good and the not-so-good ones — that are happening in my life all contribute to the bigger picture He has planned ahead for me.

At times, I even let out a plethora of why’s. And then, I will be reminded that most often God won’t change my circumstances because He is more concerned in changing and transforming me to be a better version of myself.

I won’t always figure out the answers to my why’s but He will still be God. It is and will never be easy, but now I know that I’m not alone. Never.

Though I fail to see the good in the bad at times, He never fails to remind me of His sovereignty. The things that happened for the past few weeks (my birthday week included) may not all be good, but He still is good. He is and He will always be.

So dear self, I hope you choose well. I pray you choose to hope — not on the good and sunny finish line but on God Himself, your greatest reward, the One who never left you since you first decided to let Him run with you.

So dear heart, take heart. When pain that comes from circumstances out of your control demands itself to be felt, remember that all things work together for your ultimate good.

Cry if you may but don’t let youself drown in your miseries. Choose your battles well. ❤

Of Pain and Pomelos

It’s been a long time since I last shared a muni-muni on this blog. 🙂 Surprisingly today, I learned a few lessons while peeling a pomelo. Kind of funny no?

While I was peeling the pomelo, Mama precautioned, “O, ingatan mong mahiwa ‘yung laman, baka pumait.” (Be careful not to slice through the pomelo’s flesh while peeling it as it may taste bitter.)

There I realized, we people are like pomelos. Bruises and cuts from life’s unpleasant experiences tend to make us bitter. Pain can make us bitter persons. But unlike the pomelos, we people have the choice on how to respond with pain. We are given free will to either surrender it to the Lord or let it rule over our lives.

Another thing, while peeling the pomelo, I discovered that the white part covering its flesh is too thick pala. It’s thick enough to protect its flesh from being cut or sliced. Then naisip ko, pwede naman palang iwasang ‘di mahiwa ang laman ng suha para ‘di ito pumait. I realized, if we’re only careful enough, we can avoid being the cause of hurt and pain of others. We can do something to keep them from being bitter. Although we can’t avoid that because we’re mere humans, we can watch our words and our actions, and be more sensitive with other people’s feelings.

If we really need to correct them though, we can do it in a loving way so as not to break them. We are made to build up people, not break them apart. We must cling to God even more so we can be instruments of healing rather than breaking. We must ask God to guard our words and actions each waking day.

Our words and actions are like knives. When mishandled, they have the ability to break a person … the same way knife cuts make a sweet-tasting pomelo turn into a bitter-tasting one.

Let’s not add more bitter “pomelo” casualties out there. Let’s pray to be instruments to making more people better than bitter.

Okayyyyyyyyyyyyy, I’ll go back to eating my pomelo now. 🙂 Ciao!